A letter for Santa from a West Indian Kid

Dear Santa,


I know yuh probly wonderin why I writin yuh on Boxsing Day but, after
opening meh presents and dem yesterday, I just had to write yuh.


Santa, ah was a reeaal good gyul all year rouund. Ah lissen to meh
muddah when she talk to meh, ah help out with house wuk, ah even help de
neighbor chilrren and dem do dey chaws too. Ah help dat old Mr.George
across d road when d oddah chilrren just watch him and leave him dey.
Santa, ah study hard in school dis year u know. So hard, that ah come
fuss in meh class.


Santa, when ah write meh Christmas List to yuh, ah axk yuh for a Barbie
princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, an
ah monopoly. So.........Santa. ......... how de ass after reading meh
list you would leave under d blasted Christmas tree ah shity light up
Yo-Yo, ah muddacu*t plastic tea-set and ah f*cking no name dolly lookin
like she have Polio. Santa is like yuh f*cking blind or yuh cyah read!


Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh fat mampey ass and like
ah Fool ah does always give yuh ah nex chance but not ah F*ckin gain.
Yuh damn blasted fat ass dead with me, yuh hear what ah say, yuh dead.
Ah go wait for yuh muddah ass next year, yuh better don't try to squeeze
yuh fat blubba ass thru meh louvres, because Santa Ah swear ah go F*ck
yuh up, it go be me, you and a tamarind branch.


Just imagine, you give that little cokey eye, knock knee, muddacu*t
Nicole from across de road, everything that she axk for, till she doh
even have room to walk around she house.


And Santa, yuh see you and dem stchupid Reindeer and dem, allyuh better
tink twice bout landing on my house next year, especially dat F*cking
Red nose prick Rudolph, ah go stone he muddacu*t, yuh go have to walk
back to d f*cking north pole when ah done with dem. I swear nex year, ah
waiting patiently for yuh blasted fat ass to come Ho-Hoin on my
galvanise roof . Ah go do fuh yuh, ah promise. Watch an see.... yuh
muddacu*t.